Why you should be watching the World Cup


While many of us anxiously await to see how the Americans fare this time around in the allure and heat of Brazil, there are many of us that aren’t as tuned in as they probably should be during this tremendous event where the world is claimed to “stop”. While that notion is physically impossible and would be particularly devastating to life on Earth, the actual claim adheres to that most people pay attention. From the high rises of the world’s richest to the slums right outside the stadiums in Brazil, if you have access to a television, it’s plausible to guess there is a TV with a match on.

But why should you care? You’re an American (a guess) and it’s just another silly sport. Baseball’s still on, right? And sometimes golf? Now that the NBA finals and Game of Thrones have finished their titillating runs, maybe we should just go outside and enjoy the sun? No. I’d love to provide some rationale for you to enjoy the so-called “beautiful game”. The game itself is rather simple, and while it has its strategic complexities and terminology might confuse a modern 6 year-old, most people have the capability of understanding what’s at stake and how to manage one’s viewing experience. Soccer (I’ll be calling it this for the duration of this post, sorry), is a game of tension, drama, and understanding the degree of patience, reward, and excitement that parallels with so many aspects of life.  I’m sure a lot of people made a short list giving some reason or another to watch soccer, because it’s “cool” or “hip” or those other buzzwords that those teens are using to inspire readers like you to watch it. Here, I will give you 5 rather unorthodox reasons why you as a unique and valued individual (I care deeply for my readers), should give the World Cup a shot this summer.

  1. Watching soccer is like watching two artists paint a different picture, at the same time, on the same canvas, trying to create a masterpiece themselves, while also devastating the other’s artwork at the same time – and they only have an hour and a half to do it. Imagine, if you will, the likes of Bob Ross trying to take on Michelangelo (Yeah, I’ll make this silly comparison because I’m a silly person) – duking it out on national TV – happy trees vs. the angels of the Sistine Chapel. We’d all watch, even if we didn’t care about art or the fact that both of these men are dead, and we’d be watching ghosts, which would attract the attention of the entire world, anyway. So for that sake, just think of it as artist vs. artist.  Soccer is a creative sport that requires time, build-up, endurance, and just the right amount of flair to separate one side from another. It’s a work of art. You’re trying to create beautiful plays on the ball, and more importantly points, and your opponent is trying to do the exact same thing. The patience needed to build upon the objectives, strategies, and random occurrences that happen in the span of 90 minutes is what separates it from the U.S.A.’s usual sporting agenda – one filled with time-outs, stoppages after single plays, and 2-minute warnings. It says something about a group of individuals who only have one chance (at halftime) to regroup and talk about things. Soccer requires non-stop attention, creativity, energy, and an absurdly large competitive edge.
  2. However, that last statement really only applies to the players. There remains skeptics who claim that soccer is boring because we as fans must pay attention the entire time, this simply isn’t true. The amazing thing about soccer is that you can! You can tune out right in the middle of the match and do other fun things (play on your phone, sing, talk to the opposite sex, eat, arm wrestle…etc.) all without missing any of the action. For starters, you only have to glance at the TV every so often, as the lulls in the game often run rampant.  However, whenever something exciting might seem to unfold, the announcers (who are used to this kind of thing) kindly warn you of impending excitement by getting vocally louder and more excited. Despite the fact that this usually ends with a player missing the net by a wide margin, there’s plenty of time to catch the play, goal or no goal (there’s usually only a few feet or inches that ultimately decide that anyway).
  3. There are plenty of extrinsic values to watching the “beautiful game”, as well. For starters, watching soccer is impressive to other people. Nobody is impressed that you “couldn’t care less” about kicking a ball around for 2 hours. There is an air of sophistication that comes with watching an internationally-acclaimed cultural phenomenon. Not only does it show others that you in-tune with and care about current events while also being well-informed on the subject matter (and this time it’s sports, not politics!), it also shows others that you probably make more money than non-soccer-watchers.
  4. Oh my gosh, the tension and the nerves. You can almost taste it. For some reason or another, a lot of these games feel like life or death. If you haven’t seen the ESPN 30 for 30 film about the Colombian soccer player who was murdered after losing in the WC back in 90’s, there is a terrifying precedence in some places: if you mess up, there’s a chance you may die. It’s almost as if you were watching those ancient mayan ball games back in the day where the losers would be sacrificed to the gods. Not sure why you would play, but either way you can feel the suffocating tension. Some teams are just happy to be there, but if a contender loses – they’re ruined, if not by a gun (to be fair, this almost never happens, and should never happen, and is not funny), then by the media. If you think American newspapers are unforgiving, think again – in other countries, even the tabloids write really bad things about you – for either four years, or the rest of your life. So next time you watch a goal being scored to take the lead, take a peek at the other team’s coach/goalie/defender. He may or may not be writing his will in his head, right then and there (remember, not funny).

    Don't be this guy (photo cred: Reuters)

    Don’t be this guy (photo cred: Reuters)

  5. I’m strapped for deep content at this point, so I’m prepared to become shallow. If all else fails, I will sell you on sex appeal. I’ve personally never been “turned on” by the male physique (although I do get lost in the mirror looking at myself sometimes – HEY OH), but soccer fans do get to look at some well-built fellas (disclaimer: probably a poor link choice judging by the title, and I didn’t look all the way through so probably NSFW) running around soaking wet in form-fitting uniforms (and see their faces – unlike football), with the promise of a shirt exchange at the end. So there’s that…? However if you’re like me and like to look at females (I promise), during this World Cup you occasionally get a little look-see at the beautiful South American women (NSFW, again) that somehow find their way onto the front row and on to our television screens.

Well those were just a few. Maybe you’re convinced to watch, maybe you’re not – but I will say there’s something magical about being a part of a cultural draw that trumps the Olympics and every other sporting event in the world. Soccer, fútbol, football, or whatever rules the world right now. Everyone’s watching – you should, too. Also, go USA.


Join the social community

If you’re a social person (which in this case is defined by having a social media account or two), you’re a wanted person. Your attention, participation, and clicks are desired as though livelihoods depend on it – and in a way, they do. Millions and millions of dollars are poured into social media marketing every year to urge you to participate, explore, and ultimately purchase (or donate, but same difference). Simply showing you pictures of scenery and asking what you’re doing this weekend isn’t gonna cut it, so how exactly are they supposed to reach you?

The megaphone has been inverted. Long gone are the days where a single message was drilled into your head by a couple of fine-suited men perched in their magnificent lofts atop Madison Ave. Brand don’t yell anymore, and for good reason. Want someone to listen to you? You have to be the listener first. Holding a real-life conversation is a two-way street, and in order to get a message across, both parties have to listen, especially the ones with company logos emblazoned upon their walls, feeds, and streams.

I'd probably yell back, too if Burger King was getting sassy with me

I’d probably yell back, too if Burger King was getting sassy with me

But that’s still not the winning formula. You don’t want your social followers to just play the audience to your message, just like you wouldn’t want your friends simply standing by listening to your problems – you need action. You create a community of friends. In a sense, these communities are the new audiences. Audiences consume and listen, communities participate. Brands must foster the conversation that turns an audience of similar likes and interests into a self-sustaining neighborhood where people, dare I say, care about other community members. Brands supply content now, in forms of elaborately hidden messages behind videos, articles, and sponsorships that provide a way for a company to get behind a message, image, or feeling like never before. It’s all too real.


Hooray for social communities! (With the added bonus of diversity and bright colors)

Now this utopia of a system may seem like an impractical nod to how a company would envision their brand to permeate the social sphere, but it’s just beginning. Think of any companies that you follow that include their members in their posts or encourage sharing based on a topic that almost everyone can familiarize with. I’ll give you one right now, Kroger does a great job of providing outlets for followers to share recipes, stories, and other bits of information that make up their content, as well as features on followers who are doing cool things (everybody loves cool things)


It’s amazing to think that a couple of Harvard drop-outs (or whoever really made Facebook and started the social trend, we may never know (Myspace doesn’t count)) helped shape the world we live in, in such a massive way. It’s changed how the world does business, and how we share, communicate, spend our time, and stalk one another. All from the comfort of a screen!

Hire-level thinking

Hey folks.

Can you guess who graduated, like 3 weeks ago? Not Guy Fieri. (Actually, because I haven’t done any proper research, he may have and this joke may have been in bad taste right from the get-go)

If you said “you, Patrick”, you are correct, and have started your weekend with a wonderful answer. However, for me, my weekend starts again setting aside the whirlwind of expectations and self-administrated pressure of not starting my career. For months, I’ve been telling myself that finding a job in ad agency has to do with forging your own luck and fortune, as well as standing out from the crowd of recent college graduates all brimming with creativity, good looks, and experience. No matter how well you measure up in any of these categories, there is always someone who does it better. So there’s that.

Anyhoo, the advice from everyone but myself and my mom seems to be one of comfort and understanding – careers are something you will literally do for the rest of your life (unless assuming you do it well enough to retire comfortably – but who does that anymore?) – start it when the opportunity is right. No need rushing into a job you’re going to hate. I know that you’re grandfather had to shine shoes for 25 years before he found his calling at the steel-mill, but this is 2014, and I’m a rockstar at what I do, and have some hardware to prove it.

This post wasn’t what I thought it was going to be (I actually got sick of lists, but it’s not like I’ve been doing enough to warrant me having any real negative feelings towards the format), but de-stressing myself through the written word is something that is effective and not done nearly enough.  At the bottom I’ve enclosed a photo of a man who cannot find a job, despite having a pretty rad suit. He seems down on his luck and may need your support.


Thanks for reading, and have a great Memorial Day weekend, ladies and gents.



Creative insight from the top

As I got a taste of this semester, creating a campaign from scratch is a long and crazy process. It’s a little easier when you have $50 million just to play with, all while having only competition and a good grade as the main motivators. Having creatively-driven work is the corner stone of any advertising venture, but it really only speaks to how your audience views what good creative is. I’d like to think that I’m a creative guy, but everyone thinks they’re creative. So how do I, as an aspiring mad man, make my work creative enough to impress someone to trust in me?

I spoke to a man a couple weeks ago by the name of Perry Fair, who happens to be the President and Chief Creative Officer of JWT (formerly and futurely* J. Walter Thompson) on how he views creative drives a campaign. He told me that you have to craft a story. People love stories – fairy tales, parables, what have you – creating meaning behind something that people can associate with is invaluable. And when it’s good you can afford to be arrogant about it, as Perry says, “the only thing I’m ever arrogant about is my work.” (and he actually has good reason to – he’s won an absurd amount of awards)

Among other things in our talk, this stood out as intriguing. Where do I take this and anything else that I do? I’ve never been one to turn in work that was of underwhelming quality. Our campaigns creative was the best in my opinion, but who am I impressing? College professors? No. My job is to influence people from a desired background and do it in a way they’ve never seen. Yeah, I’m in accounts, but one day, my influence will be all over an account from start to finish. Creatively, purposefully, and magically (I ran out of meaningful/powerful adverbs at the end, so hopefully I’ll be an actual magic wizard by the time I’m at the height of my professional career).

– PW

*not a real word, but hopefully gets the point across


April Lulls

Welcome back to patrickrwells.com, folks. Can you believe it’s been a month? I sure can. Once again, I let the resourcefulness of this site down, as I failed to post since the soliloquy of “Life Lately” that everyone enjoyed (at least that’s what was said to my face).  However, since I did not specifically “promise” myself, I will let myself, once again, slide. 

Now I know these posts don’t have to be 1,200 words like the last one was, but for me, I feel like not writing makes me feel a bit pent-up inside, so the emotions (and words) tend to flow a little more freely. Let me catch everyone back up to speed for this post, and then I will get right back to lighting up this site with richly relevant advertising content that I so enjoy writing about. Now you should read this list of things:

1) Campaigns are done. Despite not being as bad as everyone says it is, my advertising capstone class is complete and I can go back to a less proactive academic schedule. I’ll have so much more time now for cleaning, job-hunting, or video games. Our group didn’t win, but by golly, we sure did give it our best. On a side note, losing sucks and I hate it more than getting something in my eye and wet socks combined. That’s saying a lot. I’ll probably carry this chip on my shoulder the rest of my life. 

2) Informational interviews are kinda cool. I emailed a bunch of presidents of ad agencies in Atlanta and asked to go talk to them. Surprisingly, a few agreed and I ended making lifelong(?) friends with powerful people. Guess who’s doing the same thing in Nashville this weekend? Well it better not be you, cause it was my idea first. I’m super serious. I’m not afraid to fight. 1/3 of those past 3 sentences are true. 

3) I have 2 and 1/2 weeks to fulfill my college bucket list. I need to make a bucket list.

4) One of our apartment’s kittens is leaving and I hate it. Not the kitten, but the idea of it leaving. She has been like a little sister to me and we’ve really bonded as buds as of late, but alas, her real owner must take her into her home. The other kitten has been kind of dick, so none of those warm fuzzy feelings will be supplemented once Gibbs says farewell. I didn’t think I’d ever write a paragraph like this in my life. 

5) I went to Michigan for spring break. Ok geez, after writing this last boring headline, it has been determined by me that I’m gonna need to stop writing personal lists for a while. Good grief. 

There you have it, an abridged version of the month of March and April for me. Hilarious? Absolutely not. Exciting? Eh. Concerning for this website? Probably. The cool thing is that I feel that much more inspired to get back into the swing of things with the simplicity, difficulty, dated, blah blah blah portions of this site. I’m going to do a bit of research and hopefully hit the writing grind later this week. If you’ve made it this far…amazing. But also thanks for the read.

Until next time (LATER THIS WEEK)

– PW

Life lately

Well I went and did (or more accurately, didn’t) it again – blog in a month’s span. It’s been rather difficult finding the right amount of time and inspiration to sit down and explore a topic or express what’s been going on in the entirety of my senior year of college. To be frank, I don’t think I’ve fully processed what’s been happening, so this post will be a refresher for me and you. It’s not entirely normal for me to disclose you all with personal matters, so this could be a treat.

If you’re still reading, you may be someone who knows who I am and hasn’t wanted to dig deeper after the initial “how are you?” in the conversation or and haven’t had the desire to listen to an actual spiel on vulnerable parts of my life in the recent months. You also could be something much  more intriguing/mysterious – a curious stranger. How exciting for you. Also, we will be doing this in list form, because it’s been noted that when you put lists in a blog, people are much more inclined to take a reading plunge. Alright, here goes: ten facts/thoughts about my life as it has been ever so lately:

1) I get plenty of sleep. As you can see, we’re getting really deep, really quick. My 10 hours a night is a far-cry from last semester and my skin complexion and mood have improved considerably. I also get to stay up later and watch middle-of-the-road-rated movies on Netflix.

2) My daily schedule is so much better  – I love saying no to people, it’s weird, but for some reason my inner-Patrick loves having time for himself. Also, feel free to skip this part, because it will probably consist of boring internal rant. However, now that my busy schedule from last semester has toned down just a hair, I find myself taking more time to hang with or do work with friends and the like. My classes seem a lot easier too – maybe I’m a lot smarter than I give myself credit for, or maybe it’s because I’m taking one less class than I usually do, but since the whirlwind of involvement last semester has slowed down a bit (the combo of 16 hours of class, an internship, job, TAing a class, leading a bible study, and helping run a student organization made for an interesting fall), I often feel a bit lazy, which is crazy because I’m hustling all day just to complete my daily schedule (if you’re reading this Mom, yes, I still find time during the day to look for a job). But compared to last semester, there’s usually a little more leeway. Sorry if this part is lame, but you were fairly warned.

3) I’ve broken all of my New Year’s Resolutions. I probably should have seen this one coming. If you don’t tell anyone your resolutions, you’re probably going to have a hard time staying true. Setting lofty goals without the ideal (which would be any at all, really) accountability is hard to do. I won’t disclose these here, however looking back, they were rather difficult to keep.

4) I’m still single – Ooh, now ladies here’s a juicy one. However, the thing is about this topic is that I’m not exactly sure where I stand on this issue. The intangibles for this situation seem a little out of sorts for me to jump back in to a full-blown committed relationship right now. For instance, I haven’t a clue where I’ll be living in a few months (however, to any recruiters who are reading this, you can certainly clarify this issue in the coming weeks…wink wink ;) ), and it wouldn’t be fair to ask someone to deal with something as unpredictable as the job market. I don’t want to be tied down to a specific area (particularly Knoxville) if I’m out surfing the advertising world’s potential landing spots. Another big thing is that I’ve become a lot more picky than I normally would have before in year past. And yes, I do have a list of personal requirements (before you freak out, this “list” isn’t that specific – but it is fair by adhering to past relationships, and qualities that I deem rather critical in a significant other) that still hangs in the fold. That doesn’t mean I’m not open to going on dates – I love dates – it’s how we, as people, explore other people in a personalized one-on-one interaction and it only sucks if you suck at talking about yourself and asking questions, and many individuals (especially here in the South) seem to treat dates like some sort of marriage proposal. Anyway, I’ve been a lot more open to others about expressing my the issue, but to be honest, I’ve really enjoyed just hanging out with the people that mean the most to me right now while I still can, such as my closest friends and family, without the need to focus my attention on a single individual. However, if this particular individual exposed herself (surprisingly the first time I’ve mentioned gender here – sorry, fellas) at the right time, I’ve been known to fall at an absurdly rapid rate. As you can see, this particular spot on the list is exceedingly larger than the others, as I’ve extensively put a lot of thought into this the past couple of months.

5) I know what I want do, just not sure where or how at the moment. This portion of my life never really took precedence until, I don’t know, ever since I applied to college. To be honest again, I’d love to spend my time afterwards traveling, as I’ve seen none percent of the world – but that’s pretty hard to do if you don’t have money, which a job seems so keen to provide. So for now, I’m looking for a job in a field that has held my interest and has driven my curiosity for the better part of 3 years – advertising (which apparently, this blog is supposed to be about…?). Now, if only I could get a better grasp on the logistics of it all…

6) I’ve been having a lot of trouble cherishing my time lately. I’m not sure if this stems from indifference or my lackluster ability to truly hold joy with things in the moment. Everybody seems to be saying, “this is your last ____, or your final ____, you better enjoy it while it lasts!” and you know what? I’ve been trying really, really hard to do that. However, my experience with doing so in the past really hasn’t yielded much results. I wasn’t upset when my high school days ended, or my competitive soccer career ceased, or the countless other life experiences that I’ll never take part in again had come to a close (this means I ran out of things that I should have thought were more important – does middle school count?). Each and every time, I was simply ready to move on – because the next step usually makes up something better. However, college seems to be the last “transition” stage for a lot of people. Then it’s off to work for the rest of your life. Sure you change jobs or cities or friends, but college is the last glimpse of some sort of childhood most people will ever see. And yes I know, I’ll have wonderful experiences down the road, but strangely there’s something about this particular experience that I’d like to hold dear for just a little longer. I don’t think I’ll miss school (actually, I know I won’t miss school), but I’ll miss college and the feeling of that ideal college setting/experience that came along with it. However, right now, I’m having a hard time admiring my days as I live them.

7) I’ve become a lot better at words. This statement, which in my mind, can be viewed/reworded as pleasing the crowd, has a bad connotation to it, and maybe my explanation will, too, but bare with me – because this one I almost left out, but I still deemed it important. In the past, I’ve usually had an easy time appealing to different people, and I had become oddly obsessed with it. So I’ve positioned myself and my words to at least attempt to charm whomever I’m with. For example, I like to think that I am at least a little bit funny, in fact, people tell me that. So to keep this compliment/good-thoughts train rolling, I often say or tweet things that in my mind will continue to perpetuate this idea, and it works, for the most part. Same goes for almost any characteristic I’d like to express (hard-working, sports-minded, having at least the appearance political opinion etc.). Side note, I use way to many parentheses (how do you even pluralize that?). It’s something that I’ve always struggled with – the opinions of others, and in the past I’ve rationalized with it the idea that it has never really affected other people, only my positioning in their minds, I suppose. I know what people want to hear a lot of the times, so I roll with it. Now there are some that may argue that this idea clashes with some principles in my Christian life (audience of one, anyone?), having a good grasp of the mindset/desires of any audience and what they like have never been a bad thing, only when it you become self-absorbed and find identity in it, which is often tempting to do, but I know for a fact that my identity lies in something far greater than silliness or wiseness or even the excessive use of parentheses (I looked it up, apparently it’s already pluralized).

8) Learning and understanding my personality type has helped tremendously. After doing a lot of research on the subject, I’ve determined that a lot of qualities that I’ve thought I needed in order to be a successful human being really aren’t that a big deal. You can read more about my personality here, but coming to grips with my temperaments and the way I’ve been wonderfully made has certainly changed my perspective on day-to-day life, and how I handle being in a multitude of situations. This doesn’t mean I’ve just lumped myself into any particular category, however, what it does speak to, for example, I don’t have to be the life of a party to appeal to anyone – that’s not to say I can’t be, but it’s draining. I’ve realized there are certain things that don’t align with my personal strengths, and that’s totally ok.

9) I’ve realized that Future Patrick is the most selfish person I know. Everything I do is for Future Patrick. Current Patrick works out so Future Patrick can appear attractive through physical form (also true for not letting Current Patrick eat tasty, yet unhealthy food). Current Patrick tries to get good grades so Future Patrick can somehow have a better shot at a better job. Current Patrick practices different smiling techniques in the mirror so Future Patrick won’t look so dumb in Facebook photos (kidding – sort of). It’s a lot of work pleasing this guy, and sometimes Current Patrick feels like he’s not getting his fair share. It’s a lot of pressure making decisions that will likely affect Future Patrick for the rest of his life, especially this early in the “find your career” game. Yeah yeah, I know everything pays off, and I’ve certainly secured plenty of great experiences in the future with the hard work that I’ve put in, but I can’t help but wish Future Patrick wouldn’t be filled with so much regret and shame after realizing Past-Current Patrick succumbed to yet another cherry-cobbler-cheesecake milkshake from Cookout.

10) My writing skills, at least to me, have improved since having a blog. I’ve never been a skilled articulator. My mind races faster than I can spit out the words that I want to say – which is why my handwriting is small, fluid, and barely readable. I’m used to slowing down a lot and putting a lot of time into things that I write, such as essays, thoughtful emails, or even emotionally-charged text messages. Writing for myself has really let me form my own thoughts as they come, and speak in a voice that is so real, I can hear myself reading it (which sucks, because I hate my voice) when I go back and re-read it. Having an outlet from time to time to adequately express thoughts and ideas in a way that isn’t Facebook or under 140 characters is both refreshing and oh so satisfying. Although having monthly gaps in between posts probably isn’t the most idealistic strategy for continuing to better myself.

Thanks for reading about me. If you’ve made it this far, you should be commended with a medal or at least a really subtle, yet cool high-five or fist bump out on the street. You got thoughts? Questions? Concerns? Free money? Please leave all of these in the form of a comment below. Although I don’t think comments are accepted forms currency just yet (although some really weird YouTube channels may beg to differ), but maybe we can work together to figure something out.

Dawn of a new meeting


I’m gonna go ahead and slot this bad boy under dated things, as this particular topic is so ingrained in advertising culture. After recently coming across an article about a Swedish Ad Agency that promises a client meeting for one hour that will produce a plethora of quality ideas, it got me thinking, what exactly are clients even looking for nowadays? One hour? Promised ideas? They certainly want to be entertained, valued, and looked after, blah, blah, blah, but what sets innovative agencies that get all the credit and love apart from all the others? Why have all my sentences so far consisted of questions? I’ve been in my fair share of client meetings as an intern at one of the top agencies in the Southeast (which, of course, as an intern is not very many – but is a fair share nevertheless), and while the content shared is needed and meaningful, without fail (like said article mentions) these meetings cycle in the normality of awkward conversation, malfunctioning electronics, and clichéd jokes that people have to laugh at.

But what separates efficiency from human pleasantries? I’m a light-hearted person, yeah, but what does it count when the clock is ticking? Advertising meetings are the lifeblood of agency life it seems. Keeping what the client wants and what strings the agency is willing to pull is a fine balance of phone calls, designated calls and in-person handshakes and eye contact. However, I think there is a schism in what is expected and what can actually work. People at the One Hour Agency have sought to redefine what a typical meeting looks like, and thus, have set a peculiar bar in what the future of agency life can hold. You don’t have to guarantee anything, you just have to make yourself stand out enough for people to be intrigued. It’s the same for hiring people (hooray full time job hunting..?), finding a mate, and being creative: do something different. Seriously. Do it.

For any faithful readers out there, sorry for the disparity in the consistency of my posting. It’s been an interesting two months. However, I realize that’s no excuse and I plan to go ahead and write some juicy stuff here soon. Promise.


Old Spice Strikes Again: An Internetervention

Old Spice Strikes Again: An Internetervention

I don’t know if you’ve noticed strange little ads on the side of your Facebook wall (I certainly don’t for the most part), but recently there’s been some really strange ones that one day made me do a double take.


If you happened to noticed something like this bad boy and didn’t click on it, you certainly come off as a very uninteresting person.

 So me being a curious internet cat, worked up enough courage to surf my way into this strange advertisement. What happened next was amazing. I was redirected to a (unfortunately, static) web page that at first glance seemed legitimate, then all of a sudden the old spice man showed up and told me that I was an idiot (pictured above).

Hilarious:  I don’t even remember what he said, but it almost didn’t even feel like an advertisement. Apparently there are 9 videos in total, which hide behind products such as “golden blue tooth headsets” and “100% black leather sheets.” Despite being a smaller company, Old Spice (and W+K) kill it on a regular basis. How do other men’s fragrance companies compete with this? It’s certainly in your funny bone’s and your body odor best interest to keep an eye on what they do next.

Welcome to the Show: Saying bye to Snapchat

Welcome to 2014, my readers, or as I like to call it – “the show”. It sounds invigorating, and saying it makes me feel as though I’m in charge of something important. If you’re like me, you’re a pretty cool guy who wants to one day see how many animals he can balance on one another. If you’re like me in regards to New Years resolutions, you’ve probably broken them already. However, there is one resolution that I am happy to say I have already accomplished: deleting Snapchat.


By this point you’ve either stopped reading because of the stupid animal joke or you’re curious. Everyone does Snapchat! It’s so fun and cool! (rather incredulous reasons, I know) Let me explain – I’d like to think of myself as a social media-inclined (yeah, I don’t have an Instagram, either, but more on that later), but at least in my circle, I tend to use words as my main source of posts and functionality – not so much pictures. So to better explain this rationale, I’ve assembled a small list of reasons that I hope will help you in understanding my reasoning for my absurdist deletion of the great entity that is Snapchat.

  1. I’m horrible at posing for pictures. I just am. In fact, I can’t even fake smile – it’s gotten to the point where I you should probably automatically delete the first picture that you take of me because I haven’t yet thought of something funny in my head to actually laugh or smile at (an actual tactic that I use, yes). Don’t even get me started on body language either. What do I do with my hands? My feet? How should my torso be turned? By the end of most photo sessions, I look like a hieroglyphic with empty eyes and with plenty of tired, unenthusiastic barrings of my teeth.
  2. Reason #1 helps influence this one – selfies. These little things make up the majority Snapchat’s diet. There are also plenty of “us-ies”, or “we-sies”, or even pictures of your dog doing something that literally every single dog in the entire world can do (but we’ll stick to selfies). For one reason or another, I don’t like them – unless they look like something from 2 posts ago (hint, hint). As you could probably imagine, I’m not good at them either. “What kind of whiny spirit is that?”, you ask. “Patrick, you just need some resolve and practice.” Well, you obviously haven’t read Reason #3.
  3. The stuff that you post or send – whether you delete them or not – DO NOT GO AWAY. In fact-o-mundo, anything you post on social media – the good, the bad, the inappropro – will stay in cyber-space forever. If a company or person wants it bad enough, there are certainly simple means in place to access these “deleted” photos. Also, I’ve always had this incessant fear that one day, for whatever reason, I’m going to be in a room with all the people I’ve ever liked or disliked and there will be an endless slideshow of my deleted selfies. That kind of suffering would certainly be a welcomed addition to hell, if it’s not already.
  4. Going back to Instagram, I hardly see the point of taking pictures unless it is to my own benefit. Yeah, I can post a picture of a sunset, myself, or a cool bug and hope my friends and followers (I have a Twitter account and lead a cult) like or comment on it (not so much comments, however, too many of those just ruin the point of a post, in my opinion), but really I want pictures to be memories that I value, like getting engaged, a fun pic at a party, or a really cool bug. That being said I’ll probably get an Instagram this year, as I can be easily swayed.
  5. My dad keeps asking me what a photo-bomb is. As in he needs a very detailed description to understand what Stuart Scott on Sportscenter makes reference to when LeBron James or the like makes an unnecessary appearance on camera. I’m not sure how this makes the list, but it does.
  6. I’ve got to get away from this silly little piece gadgetry and read more books. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a nice stalk-session on social media as much as the next guy, but really – it’s the books – and their vernacular, their written and published insights, their effect on the mind and it’s ability to comprehend, escape, rest, and imagine is going to ultimately benefit my tiny, male brain in this coming year.

Alright, the beans are spilled (…everywhere – like there is a huge mess on the floor and someone needs to clean this).  Thanks for reading, and here’s to a wonderfully photographed 2014.


Approachability Update

Good grief, has it really been 25 days since I last had an inkling of a post on this self-URL’d website of mine? Yup.

Let me explain – after classes let out, this posting drought sort of been a manifestation of me being home and spending time with friends and family trying to stay away from the vacuum of the internet that sucks you in for hours at a time and ultimately, me brainstorming what directions this site can take in the future, as you probably guessed, (and most likely more tangibly) slacking. Anyhoo, 2014 is bringing with it a new air and excitement, not just for me and my future, but for my little baby blog here (he’s still only 6 months old, you know).

So get ready. Come next week, there will be some cool happenings here. Have a happy new year!