Well I went and did (or more accurately, didn’t) it again – blog in a month’s span. It’s been rather difficult finding the right amount of time and inspiration to sit down and explore a topic or express what’s been going on in the entirety of my senior year of college. To be frank, I don’t think I’ve fully processed what’s been happening, so this post will be a refresher for me and you. It’s not entirely normal for me to disclose you all with personal matters, so this could be a treat.
If you’re still reading, you may be someone who knows who I am and hasn’t wanted to dig deeper after the initial “how are you?” in the conversation or and haven’t had the desire to listen to an actual spiel on vulnerable parts of my life in the recent months. You also could be something much more intriguing/mysterious – a curious stranger. How exciting for you. Also, we will be doing this in list form, because it’s been noted that when you put lists in a blog, people are much more inclined to take a reading plunge. Alright, here goes: ten facts/thoughts about my life as it has been ever so lately:
1) I get plenty of sleep. As you can see, we’re getting really deep, really quick. My 10 hours a night is a far-cry from last semester and my skin complexion and mood have improved considerably. I also get to stay up later and watch middle-of-the-road-rated movies on Netflix.
2) My daily schedule is so much better - I love saying no to people, it’s weird, but for some reason my inner-Patrick loves having time for himself. Also, feel free to skip this part, because it will probably consist of boring internal rant. However, now that my busy schedule from last semester has toned down just a hair, I find myself taking more time to hang with or do work with friends and the like. My classes seem a lot easier too – maybe I’m a lot smarter than I give myself credit for, or maybe it’s because I’m taking one less class than I usually do, but since the whirlwind of involvement last semester has slowed down a bit (the combo of 16 hours of class, an internship, job, TAing a class, leading a bible study, and helping run a student organization made for an interesting fall), I often feel a bit lazy, which is crazy because I’m hustling all day just to complete my daily schedule (if you’re reading this Mom, yes, I still find time during the day to look for a job). But compared to last semester, there’s usually a little more leeway. Sorry if this part is lame, but you were fairly warned.
3) I’ve broken all of my New Year’s Resolutions. I probably should have seen this one coming. If you don’t tell anyone your resolutions, you’re probably going to have a hard time staying true. Setting lofty goals without the ideal (which would be any at all, really) accountability is hard to do. I won’t disclose these here, however looking back, they were rather difficult to keep.
4) I’m still single - Ooh, now ladies here’s a juicy one. However, the thing is about this topic is that I’m not exactly sure where I stand on this issue. The intangibles for this situation seem a little out of sorts for me to jump back in to a full-blown committed relationship right now. For instance, I haven’t a clue where I’ll be living in a few months (however, to any recruiters who are reading this, you can certainly clarify this issue in the coming weeks…wink wink ;) ), and it wouldn’t be fair to ask someone to deal with something as unpredictable as the job market. I don’t want to be tied down to a specific area (particularly Knoxville) if I’m out surfing the advertising world’s potential landing spots. Another big thing is that I’ve become a lot more picky than I normally would have before in year past. And yes, I do have a list of personal requirements (before you freak out, this “list” isn’t that specific – but it is fair by adhering to past relationships, and qualities that I deem rather critical in a significant other) that still hangs in the fold. That doesn’t mean I’m not open to going on dates – I love dates – it’s how we, as people, explore other people in a personalized one-on-one interaction and it only sucks if you suck at talking about yourself and asking questions, and many individuals (especially here in the South) seem to treat dates like some sort of marriage proposal. Anyway, I’ve been a lot more open to others about expressing my the issue, but to be honest, I’ve really enjoyed just hanging out with the people that mean the most to me right now while I still can, such as my closest friends and family, without the need to focus my attention on a single individual. However, if this particular individual exposed herself (surprisingly the first time I’ve mentioned gender here – sorry, fellas) at the right time, I’ve been known to fall at an absurdly rapid rate. As you can see, this particular spot on the list is exceedingly larger than the others, as I’ve extensively put a lot of thought into this the past couple of months.
5) I know what I want do, just not sure where or how at the moment. This portion of my life never really took precedence until, I don’t know, ever since I applied to college. To be honest again, I’d love to spend my time afterwards traveling, as I’ve seen none percent of the world – but that’s pretty hard to do if you don’t have money, which a job seems so keen to provide. So for now, I’m looking for a job in a field that has held my interest and has driven my curiosity for the better part of 3 years – advertising (which apparently, this blog is supposed to be about…?). Now, if only I could get a better grasp on the logistics of it all…
6) I’ve been having a lot of trouble cherishing my time lately. I’m not sure if this stems from indifference or my lackluster ability to truly hold joy with things in the moment. Everybody seems to be saying, “this is your last ____, or your final ____, you better enjoy it while it lasts!” and you know what? I’ve been trying really, really hard to do that. However, my experience with doing so in the past really hasn’t yielded much results. I wasn’t upset when my high school days ended, or my competitive soccer career ceased, or the countless other life experiences that I’ll never take part in again had come to a close (this means I ran out of things that I should have thought were more important – does middle school count?). Each and every time, I was simply ready to move on – because the next step usually makes up something better. However, college seems to be the last “transition” stage for a lot of people. Then it’s off to work for the rest of your life. Sure you change jobs or cities or friends, but college is the last glimpse of some sort of childhood most people will ever see. And yes I know, I’ll have wonderful experiences down the road, but strangely there’s something about this particular experience that I’d like to hold dear for just a little longer. I don’t think I’ll miss school (actually, I know I won’t miss school), but I’ll miss college and the feeling of that ideal college setting/experience that came along with it. However, right now, I’m having a hard time admiring my days as I live them.
7) I’ve become a lot better at words. This statement, which in my mind, can be viewed/reworded as pleasing the crowd, has a bad connotation to it, and maybe my explanation will, too, but bare with me – because this one I almost left out, but I still deemed it important. In the past, I’ve usually had an easy time appealing to different people, and I had become oddly obsessed with it. So I’ve positioned myself and my words to at least attempt to charm whomever I’m with. For example, I like to think that I am at least a little bit funny, in fact, people tell me that. So to keep this compliment/good-thoughts train rolling, I often say or tweet things that in my mind will continue to perpetuate this idea, and it works, for the most part. Same goes for almost any characteristic I’d like to express (hard-working, sports-minded, having at least the appearance political opinion etc.). Side note, I use way to many parentheses (how do you even pluralize that?). It’s something that I’ve always struggled with – the opinions of others, and in the past I’ve rationalized with it the idea that it has never really affected other people, only my positioning in their minds, I suppose. I know what people want to hear a lot of the times, so I roll with it. Now there are some that may argue that this idea clashes with some principles in my Christian life (audience of one, anyone?), having a good grasp of the mindset/desires of any audience and what they like have never been a bad thing, only when it you become self-absorbed and find identity in it, which is often tempting to do, but I know for a fact that my identity lies in something far greater than silliness or wiseness or even the excessive use of parentheses (I looked it up, apparently it’s already pluralized).
8) Learning and understanding my personality type has helped tremendously. After doing a lot of research on the subject, I’ve determined that a lot of qualities that I’ve thought I needed in order to be a successful human being really aren’t that a big deal. You can read more about my personality here, but coming to grips with my temperaments and the way I’ve been wonderfully made has certainly changed my perspective on day-to-day life, and how I handle being in a multitude of situations. This doesn’t mean I’ve just lumped myself into any particular category, however, what it does speak to, for example, I don’t have to be the life of a party to appeal to anyone – that’s not to say I can’t be, but it’s draining. I’ve realized there are certain things that don’t align with my personal strengths, and that’s totally ok.
9) I’ve realized that Future Patrick is the most selfish person I know. Everything I do is for Future Patrick. Current Patrick works out so Future Patrick can appear attractive through physical form (also true for not letting Current Patrick eat tasty, yet unhealthy food). Current Patrick tries to get good grades so Future Patrick can somehow have a better shot at a better job. Current Patrick practices different smiling techniques in the mirror so Future Patrick won’t look so dumb in Facebook photos (kidding – sort of). It’s a lot of work pleasing this guy, and sometimes Current Patrick feels like he’s not getting his fair share. It’s a lot of pressure making decisions that will likely affect Future Patrick for the rest of his life, especially this early in the “find your career” game. Yeah yeah, I know everything pays off, and I’ve certainly secured plenty of great experiences in the future with the hard work that I’ve put in, but I can’t help but wish Future Patrick wouldn’t be filled with so much regret and shame after realizing Past-Current Patrick succumbed to yet another cherry-cobbler-cheesecake milkshake from Cookout.
10) My writing skills, at least to me, have improved since having a blog. I’ve never been a skilled articulator. My mind races faster than I can spit out the words that I want to say – which is why my handwriting is small, fluid, and barely readable. I’m used to slowing down a lot and putting a lot of time into things that I write, such as essays, thoughtful emails, or even emotionally-charged text messages. Writing for myself has really let me form my own thoughts as they come, and speak in a voice that is so real, I can hear myself reading it (which sucks, because I hate my voice) when I go back and re-read it. Having an outlet from time to time to adequately express thoughts and ideas in a way that isn’t Facebook or under 140 characters is both refreshing and oh so satisfying. Although having monthly gaps in between posts probably isn’t the most idealistic strategy for continuing to better myself.
Thanks for reading about me. If you’ve made it this far, you should be commended with a medal or at least a really subtle, yet cool high-five or fist bump out on the street. You got thoughts? Questions? Concerns? Free money? Please leave all of these in the form of a comment below. Although I don’t think comments are accepted forms currency just yet (although some really weird YouTube channels may beg to differ), but maybe we can work together to figure something out.